finding your happy space

Cheers. Café Tropical. Central Perk. Monk’s Cafe. MacLaren’s Pub. Luke’s Cafe.

What do all of these fictional TV restaurants have in common?

They are what sociologist Ray Oldenburg calls a third place.

Let’s talk about them and why they’re so important.

Oldenburg concluded that people convened in three places. The first is your home and the second is where you work. The third is an “anchor of community life… facilitating and foster broader, more creative interaction”.​

As the temperatures start to cool and we head back indoors, we might start to look for spaces or come back to spaces where we can connect and belong with those who convene there. Think back to where you would hang out with friends and you’ll start to notice third places you might have gone to or maybe you already have one and didn’t realize it. Places like coffee shops, the mall (anyone remember the 2000’s cartoon 6teen?), the gym, the barber shop, the legion, the library, community centres, and more are great examples of third places.

Having a place to go “where everybody knows your name” is not only a great way to be part of something bigger than yourself but can help you find that joy and personal growth that you might not have been receiving elsewhere.

I’ve wanted to talk about this idea for awhile now but it finally felt right this week because in the span of 36 hours, I received two friendship bracelets (a la Taylor Swift) by friends whom I’d only met through my third place, the local spin studio. The first one says, ‘Chosen Family” and the other says, “Shine Bright”. It’s with these small gestures of generosity that helped me realize what third places are really all about – a unique space where the people help you discover a new side of yourself. (This is the same place I wrote about a few weeks ago about doing new things.) ​

If you’re reading this and feeling like you’re not sure if you have a third place, that’s totally fair! Even now, three years and more after the start of the pandemic, all of our “places” have dramatically changed. For some of us, they’ve combined into one – with working from home plus being a part of online communities such as Discord, Twitch or social media. Plus, we might just generally feel more inclusive as a result of technology and expectations put on our time after the end of the work day. Feel free to check out the Wikipedia page to learn more about this concept and see where you might find your place – a space to exist and enjoy the presence of other like-minded people.

No matter where you go to hang your metaphorical hat, I hope you have fun. I hope you see yourself grow and laugh and be a part of a community that cares about how truly special you are. While I wished this newsletter was more of a third place, this weekly presence I hope can bring comfort and a jumpstart to see your potential and celebrate life along the way. <3

PS – Did you guess all the third places above correctly? Let’s see if you got them all!

Cheers (Cheers). Café Tropical (Schitt’s Creek). Central Perk (Friends). Monk’s Cafe (Seinfeld). MacLaren’s Pub (How I Met Your Mother). Luke’s Cafe (Gilmore Girls).